This Week In Lies And Wonton Destruction

In the 60's when "Old Hollywood" was still pretty new, they just bulldozed. By the 1980's when preservationists began to protest, the Hollywood Developer of Every Valuable Inch of Land, lets call him D.E.V.I.L. for short, got crafty to get around the annoying "neighborhood" types with their whining about "history" and "architecture," bossy judges with their "court orders," and that STUPID Federal Government with its "National Register Of Historic Places." For example, the if the owner of the Garden Court Apartments couldn't get permission to demolish it he COULD get a permit to do roof work. The work he did was remove the roof. After the winters rains, the birdies of spring and the flocks of bats that used to be around the Boulevard, some nice person came from downtown and put a shiny red tag on his building. That technique was being used by the LAUSD as recently as a decade ago. I witnessed it myself on my first time inside the Ambassador, on a rainy day. Those weren't leaks, they were HOLES. More on The Ambassador in a moment.

The next technique, also learned at the Garden Court, was the usefulness of allowing runaways and junkies into your building by making sure the gate was always unlocked or one window in back was always unboarded. It was just a matter of time before it went up in a pretty orange blaze, and the owner would be the VICTIM! I talked to a former street kid, years ago, who had lived in The Vine Street Brown Derby for months. He said it was the best place he ever lived. They smashed up the inside, humped in the banquettes, shot up at the bar, and lit parts of the structure on fire. While that's a typical Friday Night club behavior in "New Hollywood," the old girl couldn't take it and HAD to be demolished. Squatters also got The Pan Pacific, and almost The Hillview.

I've already discussed in previous posts, and a youtube video, the recent spate of Spontaneous Hollywood Combustion (like Spontaneous Human Combustion, only WAY more frequent, and way less mysterious), so we won't go into detail on that one here. Suffice it to say, it's sweeping the town. In fact it's swept an entire corner of Hollywood and Vine entirely clear, just waiting for a high rise full of condos.

But the NEW fad, the one that is actually the smartest on the part of the D.E.V.I.L. (should have thought of it YEARS ago) is to make a deal with the preservationist by agreeing to preserve a something, then when you have a work permits and a crew, demolish it anyway and laugh at the preservationists, the courts, and The National Register.

The first time I remember this little gag, (Pia-Fair not withstanding) was when Trizec Hahn wanted to cut a giant hole in the side of Grauman's Chinese Theatre to allow "easy access" to their ugly mall. We certainly couldn't have anyone walking around the historic Landmark, and out three feet on to, EGADS! Hollywood BOULEVARD! No, must have Forecourtotomy, rip out a fountain, a pond, and a set of handprints from the 1940's (which has gone unaccounted for...my hunch is it was jackhammered out).

But if we let the Las Vegas Casino Developers (who could be trusted MORE with preservation?) chop up our single most important landmark, oh the riches we would receive in return! The interior of theatre would be refurbished top to bottom, all the missing metal pieces on the outside (of which there are many) would be recreated and replaced, the feather palms would be replanted at the sidewalk, and the hanging garden's restored to the roof. They cut the hole first. That other stuff...well, they painted it and replaced the smelly seats from 1974!

The most egregious example of course is the LAUSD finding that they just COULDN'T save the Cocoanut Grove (which made a brick shit house look unsturdy). I hope they are teaching your kids to lie as good as them, because they're certainly not teaching them any other skills useful in today's world. Well, taking a walk the other day, just from Sunset and Western to Hollywood And Vine, I saw several more things being "preserved!"

While you might think it was just a Spaghetti joint, the building was actually the first location of KNX, making it very important. The building itself is just a box, but the part of note is the columns and steps out front. The developer has said that these will be "preserved." And by "preserved" they mean smashed to shit. I assume they got their preservation instructions from Chris Breed who claims to have "restored" the interior of the Pig n' Whistle, when in actuality, he had four day laborers SLEDGEHAMMER OUT the original ceiling, and throw it in a dumpster in the back. They then quickly replaced it with NEW paper thin, prefab molded sheets and tacks. If you don't believe me, I can show you the huge chunks of the "restored" ceiling of the Pig n Whistle I dragged out of the dumpster. "It" is not "restored" if "it" is "thrown in the garbage" and something brand new that "looks like it" is put in its place.

Which brings us to our last fraud of this post (but stay tuned for the next...LAUSD Renderings!), the Bernard Luggage Building. Unconstitutionally condemned by the city through imminent domain, using a "blighted neighborhood" law used for crack houses, it was handed directly to W Hotels. Utterly baffling is why, if the neighborhood was "blighted," W Hotels would want to build a highrise hotel/condos there? It was an excuse, of course, to STEAL the land from a family that had owned and worked it for decades. What was the D.E.V.I.L. going to do with this newly acquired building, "rescued" from the "blight?" Why demolish it of course! The problem is, it is on that DAMN Hollywood Boulevard Historic Monument thingamajig, therefore it is ILLEGAL to tear it down, even if you DID steal the land. Well...people complained on this one...usually developers wreck buildings on their OWN land, but stealing it from a family was a step too far. And the Department of The Interior tends to take their list a little more seriously than grafty fascist LA Council Members (I say fascist, because that stunt was the exact dictionary definition of fascism, look it up). So W announced that the Bernard Luggage Building would be SAVED (because it would be a Federal Crime to demolish it) and "incorporated into the new project."

Look carefully at the above picture. Do you see The Bernard Luggage Building? Do you see ANY building? Do you see anything old? Historic? I see a giant open space where a now demolished historic building WAS, being filled in with brand new W Hotel. "Incorporated into," huh? A paper thin fig leaf of stucco, leaning against a new non-historic everything. The D.E.V.I.L. wins this time, but someday we'll beat them.

And if you believe that I have an entire corner of Hollywood And Vine available for you to put anything you want on! No, honestly!

The Burning Of Los Angeles: Magical Mystery Fire Destroys Another Protected Landmark Which Recently Changed Hands!

For The LA Times Article on the fire, click HERE.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE!

The lesson is...If you are a legally protected building with Historical Significance, and a developer with stars in their eyes buys you, you could soon be hearing the words of the Wicked Witch Of The West ringing from your storied walls at 4:30 in the morning...."Have a little FIRE, Scarecrow!"

This week the 1933 Carl Laemmle Building, the only building on Hollywood Boulevard designed by Richard Neutra, and with interiors by S. Charles Lee, became the latest in the long list of neighborhood Historical Treasures to vanish in a holocaust of 40 foot flames, begun somewhere between midnight and 6 am, and "already FULLY involved before firefighters arrived on the scene," even though the fire station is but three blocks away. The old Cahuenga station had a look out tower 50 feet above Selma Avenue, so the firemen of yore could spot smoke anytime of the day or night, from Mount Lee to the Ambassador Hotel. Perhaps they should have moved it down the street when they built the new station.

So, we can add the Laemmle Building and the landmark business Dan-Dee Shoe Repair with its historic neon sign, to the ABC Radio Studios, The Little Country Church Of Hollywood, The Vine Street Brown Derby, the Hillview Apartments (lucky da 'hood was in the mood for condos when that got torched!), The Pan Pacific Auditorium, and portions of The Garden Court Apartments. All places that developers had been in some sort of snit about before spontaneously combusting. While I certainly can't SAY FOR SURE what happened in the case of the Laemmle building, it did just change hands, and you will note, it is the only corner of the four at Hollywood and Vine, that is not a Condo Ready High Rise. Nope. It was one story and it was going to have to stay that way. Unlessssss......

One of our brave Councilmen, See No Evil Hear No Evil Never Call The D.A. Over Gangster Developers La Bonge, arrived on the scene to assess the loss of this landmark. When reporters asked him about how important the famed building was, he immediately replied...."The LAND alone is worth MILLIONS!" Thanks Tom.

We ALL knew that. But they asked you about the building. I believe it was Jesus who said "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh!" (Luke 6:45) Wonder if he'd met Tom?

(To learn a great deal more about how things work in the neighborhood these days, I encourage you to follow the link below and read the article from The Hollywood Heritage Newsletter on Page 5 and learn how this....

........Turns into THIS......


.....And NO ONE gets held accountable for it!
May 2007, Volume 26. No. 1 (special color double issue) )

While most media reports have stated that the only thing of note that happened in the building since 1933 was that a scene was shot for a remake of Oceans 11, a production as overblown as La Bonge's sense of self awareness, the building did, in fact, house many important restaurants over the years, and for anyone who grew up or lived in the neighborhood prior to the "old days" death throes in of the early 1990's, it was full of cherished memories.


As I said in the beginning, it was designed by Richard Neutra, and what was REALLY fantastic was that the building one door over, Sardi's (now the porn shop) was designed by R.M Schindler. Not TOO many places in town where the two had buildings 20 paces apart. When the Pig n' Whistle at Las Palmas outgrew it's tiny space next to the Egyptian, in the late 30's, it expanded into the Laemmle building, and later changed its name to "Melody Lane" while remaining in the "Pig N' Whistle" Chain. With the name change, the big guns were called in and S. Charles Lee was hired to give the entire building a Moderne look.

In the late 1950's and 60's it was transformed into a family oriented coffee shop named "Hody's" which was legendary for it's gigantic "clown head" sign trellis. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me, I can't IMAGINE how it didn't frighten children and hippies. None the less, it was there for years.

This is where the irony gets REALLY thick. After they let squatters in to burn The Vine Street Brown Derby (that's an old developer trick...leave holes in the fences and back doors unlocked in an unwanted building, so when it goes up, you can blame punk squatters and junkies before the cameras, then collect your insurance money), and Grant had it bulldozed against court order (I mean, Grant REALLY REALLY needed another parking lot!), the Hollywood Brown Derby, relocated into the Laemmle Building, and went discount, hoping to attract the Lucy Ricardo Tourists, looking for their long de-camped Bill Holdens. It closed in 1993, leaving Musso's the last man standing.

It was closed for several years, then became an ENORMOUS tattoo parlor. Finally, around the turn of the century, things were looking up for the neighborhood, and the tattoo joint was shunted to one side, making room for a ridiculous club full of poseurs and wannabees, the sort who think OTHER poseurs and wannabees with clipboards and lists should be what gets you into a club, rather than a decent suit of cloths, proper shoe leather, and a generous tip to the maitre 'd, like it should be (and still is in NY).

I mean, the Bush girls partied there to celebrate turning 21 so they could get shitfaced "legal." Need I say more?

Then they shot part of a crappy remake there, then it burned, while the learned Councilmen stood on the corner fancying himself a real estate appraiser. I will admit, he did better as an apraiser evaluating the corner of Hollywood and Vine than he did as an Historian, once claiming before assembled news media that the land beneath the Hollywood Sign had been left in perpetuity to the City Of Los Angeles by Griffith J. Griffith in 1911. It was in fact, privately owned and DONATED to the City in 1949, as anyone with even a cursory knowledge of neighborhood history knows...oh hell...THATS even in $2 tourist pamphlets sold to Iowans at World Book And News, on every Grey Line Tour, on The Chamber of Commerce website....tourists, and junkies walking out of the methadone clinic know that, if they've been in town more than two weeks! Tom had to shut up. I desperately with that THAT lesson had taken. (The Councilman is Pictured Here Announcing To A Shocked Local Press That His Name Is Jor-El As He Welcomes Them To His Newly Remodled Mansion On Mount Krypton)

Can't wait to see what goes up next in an early morning conflagration. Because the word is out. Fires "intentional" or "accidental" (in which case landlords should be held accountable for not having proper alarms and sprinkler systems!) and "accidental bulldozing without proper permits" (I'm certain they would have torched The Cocoanut Grove, if Boston hadn't already beat them to it) will go unpunished, by the Council, DA Cooley, Wilcox Station, the Fire Department (who is responsible for enforcing the fire code and inspecting the buildings, and doing arson investigations) and any other LA good old boy group that has visions of high rises dancing in their heads. Forget it Jake, it's Hollywood.

I'm actually glad our Dear Sainted Mayor of Hollywood is in a better place, and didn't have to look at smoke rising outside his window at the Roosevelt, yet again. And I hope where ever he is, he's as pissed as I am, and starts haunting some people who are hell bent on smashing up whats left of the neighborhood for those DREADFUL yuppies and their condos.