1.09.2009

This Week In Lies And Wonton Destruction

In the 60's when "Old Hollywood" was still pretty new, they just bulldozed. By the 1980's when preservationists began to protest, the Hollywood Developer of Every Valuable Inch of Land, lets call him D.E.V.I.L. for short, got crafty to get around the annoying "neighborhood" types with their whining about "history" and "architecture," bossy judges with their "court orders," and that STUPID Federal Government with its "National Register Of Historic Places." For example, the if the owner of the Garden Court Apartments couldn't get permission to demolish it he COULD get a permit to do roof work. The work he did was remove the roof. After the winters rains, the birdies of spring and the flocks of bats that used to be around the Boulevard, some nice person came from downtown and put a shiny red tag on his building. That technique was being used by the LAUSD as recently as a decade ago. I witnessed it myself on my first time inside the Ambassador, on a rainy day. Those weren't leaks, they were HOLES. More on The Ambassador in a moment.

The next technique, also learned at the Garden Court, was the usefulness of allowing runaways and junkies into your building by making sure the gate was always unlocked or one window in back was always unboarded. It was just a matter of time before it went up in a pretty orange blaze, and the owner would be the VICTIM! I talked to a former street kid, years ago, who had lived in The Vine Street Brown Derby for months. He said it was the best place he ever lived. They smashed up the inside, humped in the banquettes, shot up at the bar, and lit parts of the structure on fire. While that's a typical Friday Night club behavior in "New Hollywood," the old girl couldn't take it and HAD to be demolished. Squatters also got The Pan Pacific, and almost The Hillview.

I've already discussed in previous posts, and a youtube video, the recent spate of Spontaneous Hollywood Combustion (like Spontaneous Human Combustion, only WAY more frequent, and way less mysterious), so we won't go into detail on that one here. Suffice it to say, it's sweeping the town. In fact it's swept an entire corner of Hollywood and Vine entirely clear, just waiting for a high rise full of condos.
But the NEW fad, the one that is actually the smartest on the part of the D.E.V.I.L. (should have thought of it YEARS ago) is to make a deal with the preservationist by agreeing to preserve a something, then when you have a work permits and a crew, demolish it anyway and laugh at the preservationists, the courts, and The National Register.

The first time I remember this little gag, (Pia-Fair not withstanding) was when Trizec Hahn wanted to cut a giant hole in the side of Grauman's Chinese Theatre to allow "easy access" to their ugly mall. We certainly couldn't have anyone walking around the historic Landmark, and out three feet on to, EGADS! Hollywood BOULEVARD! No, must have Forecourtotomy, rip out a fountain, a pond, and a set of handprints from the 1940's (which has gone unaccounted for...my hunch is it was jackhammered out).

But if we let the Las Vegas Casino Developers (who could be trusted MORE with preservation?) chop up our single most important landmark, oh the riches we would receive in return! The interior of theatre would be refurbished top to bottom, all the missing metal pieces on the outside (of which there are many) would be recreated and replaced, the feather palms would be replanted at the sidewalk, and the hanging garden's restored to the roof. They cut the hole first. That other stuff...well, they painted it and replaced the smelly seats from 1974!

The most egregious example of course is the LAUSD finding that they just COULDN'T save the Cocoanut Grove (which made a brick shit house look unsturdy). I hope they are teaching your kids to lie as good as them, because they're certainly not teaching them any other skills useful in today's world. Well, taking a walk the other day, just from Sunset and Western to Hollywood And Vine, I saw several more things being "preserved!"

While you might think it was just a Spaghetti joint, the building was actually the first location of KNX, making it very important. The building itself is just a box, but the part of note is the columns and steps out front. The developer has said that these will be "preserved." And by "preserved" they mean smashed to shit. I assume they got their preservation instructions from Chris Breed who claims to have "restored" the interior of the Pig n' Whistle, when in actuality, he had four day laborers SLEDGEHAMMER OUT the original ceiling, and throw it in a dumpster in the back. They then quickly replaced it with NEW paper thin, prefab molded sheets and tacks. If you don't believe me, I can show you the huge chunks of the "restored" ceiling of the Pig n Whistle I dragged out of the dumpster. "It" is not "restored" if "it" is "thrown in the garbage" and something brand new that "looks like it" is put in its place.

Which brings us to our last fraud of this post (but stay tuned for the next...LAUSD Renderings!), the Bernard Luggage Building. Unconstitutionally condemned by the city through imminent domain, using a "blighted neighborhood" law used for crack houses, it was handed directly to W Hotels. Utterly baffling is why, if the neighborhood was "blighted," W Hotels would want to build a highrise hotel/condos there? It was an excuse, of course, to STEAL the land from a family that had owned and worked it for decades. What was the D.E.V.I.L. going to do with this newly acquired building, "rescued" from the "blight?" Why demolish it of course! The problem is, it is on that DAMN Hollywood Boulevard Historic Monument thingamajig, therefore it is ILLEGAL to tear it down, even if you DID steal the land. Well...people complained on this one...usually developers wreck buildings on their OWN land, but stealing it from a family was a step too far. And the Department of The Interior tends to take their list a little more seriously than grafty fascist LA Council Members (I say fascist, because that stunt was the exact dictionary definition of fascism, look it up). So W announced that the Bernard Luggage Building would be SAVED (because it would be a Federal Crime to demolish it) and "incorporated into the new project."


Look carefully at the above picture. Do you see The Bernard Luggage Building? Do you see ANY building? Do you see anything old? Historic? I see a giant open space where a now demolished historic building WAS, being filled in with brand new W Hotel. "Incorporated into," huh? A paper thin fig leaf of stucco, leaning against a new non-historic everything. The D.E.V.I.L. wins this time, but someday we'll beat them.

And if you believe that I have an entire corner of Hollywood And Vine available for you to put anything you want on! No, honestly!

Blog Patron Saint Johnny Grant

Blog Patron Saint Johnny Grant
At Least He Died Of Natural Causes And Wasn't Torched By Developers...

(Video) "Going Hollywood"

(Video) "Going Hollywood"
...but Bing, won't you miss Spokane? (I know the answer)

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A Picture Of The Biggest HO I Ever Stood Bent Over Behind, Groaning, Sweating, And Panting.

(Video) The Three Rhythm Boys At The Cocoanut Grove

(Video) The Three Rhythm Boys At The Cocoanut Grove
"Happy Feet" In Technicolor

(Video) "Starlit Days At The Lido"

(Video) "Starlit Days At The Lido"
Starring Ukulele Ike

(Video) "Star Night At The Cocoanut Grove"

(Video) "Star Night At The Cocoanut Grove"
An MGM Technicolor Short Subject

(Video) A Tour Of Charlie Chaplin Studios

(Video) A Tour Of Charlie Chaplin Studios
Charlie Shows Us Around His La Brea Nursery/Pick Up Joint/Studio

(Video) A Tour Of The Tom Ince Studios, 1920

(Video)  A Tour Of The Tom Ince Studios, 1920
Too bad it wasn't a tour of Tom Inces house, with the secret passage and the peepholes into the guest bedrooms. Now THAT was something to see!

"There's A Tear For Every Smile In Hollywood!" - By Blanche Sweet

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Hollywood Then (Video Clip)
Frances Farmer Being Dragged Away

Hollywood Now (Video Clip)

Hollywood Now (Video Clip)
Britney Spears Being Dragged Away

(Website) Taylorology

(Website) Taylorology
Mindblowingly Comprehensive Study Of The Taylor Murder, With All Sorts Of Other Amazing Things About The Silent Days

The Burning Of Los Angeles

The Burning Of Los Angeles
March, 2007

"The Day Of The Locust" By Nathaniel West (Excerpt)

All their lives they had slaved at some kind of dull, heavy labor, behind desks and counters, in the fields and at tedious machines of all sorts, saving their pennies and dreaming of the leisure that would be theirs when they had enough. Finally that day came. They could draw a weekly income of ten or fifteen dollars. Where else should they go but California, the land of sunshine and oranges? Once there, they discover that....(Link To The Last Chapter and The Burning Of Los Angeles)

(Video) "Hollywood Party!"

(Video) "Hollywood Party!"
Those boys on Craigslist Think They Invented The Term. Hah!

Doug Fairbainks As "Coke Ennyday" in The Mystery Of The Leaping Fish

The Sign Itself Commits Suicide By Jumping Off The Hill

The Sign Itself Commits Suicide By Jumping Off The Hill
Click Picture To See Peg Entwistle Acting

(Video) Keep Young And Beautiful

(Video) Keep Young And Beautiful
Pictured: Liz at The Abbey Recently, Looking For Love In All The Same Places, A West Hollywood Gay Bar

There Are No Small Parts, Only Small Actors!

There Are No Small Parts, Only Small Actors!

Lucy Has Lunch At The Hollywood Brown Derby

Lucy Goes To Grauman's Chinese Theatre

"Seeing Stars" 1922

On The Coast, We're Bound To Boast, 'Bout The Hollywood Canteen

Pantages Theatre

Pantages Theatre
Looking at the very SPOT Bette Davis killed her husband...maybe. (Follow The Link)